What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness | Robert Waldinger


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What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness | Robert Waldinger

What keeps us happy and healthy as we go through life? If you think it's fame and money, you're not alone – but, according to psychiatrist Robert Waldinger, you're mistaken. As the director of 75-year-old study on adult development, Waldinger has unprecedented access to data on true happiness and satisfaction. In this talk, he shares three important lessons learned from the study as well as some practical, old-as-the-hills wisdom on how to build a fulfilling, long life. TEDTalks is a daily video podcast of the best talks and performances from the TED Conference, where the world's leading thinkers and doers give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes (or less). Look for talks on Technology, Entertainment and Design -- plus science, business, global issues, the arts and much more. Find closed captions and translated subtitles in many languages at Follow TED news on Twitter: Like TED on Facebook: Subscribe to our channel:

Comments to the video: What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness | Robert Waldinger

tony mememe 4 hours ago
As we age, comfort becomes one of the most important goals.
Nicole 5 hours ago
Wow such a great and beautiful speech very very touching, thank you very much 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼❤️❤️❤️
Olive Miller 9 hours ago
*оMG! уеs dаddу Рlеаsе F.vсk Ме!* *сl1сk Hеrе Tо Wаtсh S.е.X.у LivесаМ Girls.* >>>
RimRim XOXBetsey 11 hours ago
This is not an entirely good message for the movement of ''BEING ALONE IS JUST FINE(and healthy, too)'' My mother and father(both divorced from each other) made me suffer so much for their constant need to find a partner. I learned that being alone was more often better for good mental health. I love being alone. It gives me peace and serenity. Relationships are not always the answer for a happy life. My parents? Both are still struggling to find someone to spend the time with. By the way, the more stressful the relationship for them, the better. No thank you for me.
dontzenyourselfout 21 hours ago
.yet another new-age please-listen-to-me guru-fraud
bksug2009 1 day ago
It seems the definition of happiness in this study is long life, good memory, good health.
AVIL SALINS 1 day ago
What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness – Avil Rakshith Salins Robert Waldinger who is a Director of Adult development, one of the most longitudinal studies in History. In his TED Talk “What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness” he has summarized the result of a 75-year long study on what makes a good life. with surveys from 724 people, it is one of the profound studies on the subject.click on the link know more
sewagedump 1 day ago
Don't mend with a family member, find a new family figure.
LoOoL 1 day ago
i don't agree with this entirely. I suggest some of you to read the book The Art of Happiness. It also talks about relationship with other human deep realtionship but in the sense of it could just be your parents, family, or partner. You also need more than just relationship to be happy. Although there might be a correlation between positive thoughts = overall positive attitude = better relationship = healthier in this sense. I am ambien vert. I can be social but I actually love to be alone and just read sometimes. I don't want many relationships because they honestly require time and effort. My husband was my best friend for years before we dated. We are very happy with each other and content. What the key to happiness is self validation ( only see validation within your self not others) , be positive over negative, learn to not compare what you don't have but be grateful with what you have , and be compassionate about others ( basically understand how they got where they are in life and what affected their choices, this includes people you hate as well). Everyone has their struggle our social media and media only portrait the perfect wealthy life but how many times dose it report the process of counseling, depression and problems of the rich? Many times we don't till they commit suicide. I lost my mom at 24 when she was 48. My grandma and my aunt tried to steal my inheritance. I learned to forgive and find a happier place with my self and my own family. Everyday I am grateful I met my husband so young and we are both healthy, with good job and roof over our head. Greed and desire will never end. when you get a new range rover the next model will come in few months. It is bottomless. Only focusing on how fortunate you are will you find fullness. There are many studies that have done that most Americans are less happier than those in third world countries mainly due to wealth disparity. On average Americans are wealthier than many middle income citizens else where in developing countries, yet we are the most unhappy. Think about the time when you got a new imac only to find your friend got the new imac pro. Despite having your new imac your happiness suddenly deflates. Now if you think in a positive light, both of you have new imac and if you can truly be happy for your friend instead of jealous , you can appreciate your own imac. Someone out there will always have a shiner, better imac just like life. The moment you stop being jealous and happy for them, is the moment you can enjoy your own life accomplishment. Next time when you see someone successful don't think why the rich have everything but think what they did to get there and if that is my goal what can i do. It is not necessarily of having someone around you or the quality of the relationship ( some are introvert) but rather little thoughts of positive and appreciation can make one truly happy. After my mom's death no one came to her funeral. She had many friends and family yet I took care of her alone. I spend 6 month break from work to just think about life in general. What do I really want, what makes me happy and where do i go from here. Every time my mom is mentioned someone always says you poor girl i am so sorry etc. I usually stops them and tell them I am grateful she even had 8 years. Our society is very negative to truly be happy you have to train your brain. Don't confuse happiness with pleasure they are different. Pleasure are temporarily while happiness is a train of thoughts and balance of few things, the book will explain more. Even though my mom died young I had 8 years of time with her since her diagnosis. She saw me get married and graduate. The fact she lived long enough to see that was enough for me. The fact that I had a mother who loved me fully and cared for me was enough. Many kids don't even know what a mother's love is. The fact that I could cry when my mom died is a blessing, this means we shared a bond. Nothing in life should be taken for granted , learn from your mistake, appreciate what you have and set goals in positive manner. I didn't get here from day one, I was actually suicidal in college. I have tried a few times. It took a lot to get out of depression and to find true peace.
Joyce Dawdy 1 day ago
Kevin leman
Pajama Party Profits 2 days ago
Interesting its only men in the study.
turbominator 2 days ago
Media promotes materialism so u get a harder working society that spend more
Chawan Theungsang 2 days ago
The talk wakes me up big time of what to focus for the remaining of my life.
michelle bustamante 3 days ago
The important message here is that the quality of our relationships is what makes us happy. It is not about being sociable or introverted. I could classify myself as an introvert as well and im a millennial so i kind of could relate to what he said about having more money, but I could say that Im happy with my life. Because I have few, long, kind, and true friends. I have a complete, not perfect, sometimes bickering, family. and i'm closely related with my relatives. See. Its what he's saying. Its the quality. Not because i'm introverted and sometimes want to be alone. I don't get why some base it on the introversion or extroversion of humans. Hey. Introversion is not being alone. It's wanting to be alone some times not all of the time. And if you find yourself wanting to be with yourself for the rest of your life. then admit it or not, you got some problem. You may be depressed you just dont admit it. And ALSO, if you got these high quality relationships, you'll see that you'd be more kind to people. The world is now filled with bad people. Maybe we could look at this as one of the reasons
joanne g 4 days ago
wow so true so true like what gabor mate was saying yrs ago
Bas bzb 4 days ago
its funny because he is rich
IO9802 4 days ago
Hmm, for me to be happy I specifically want to _not_ be famous. I can't even fathom why anyone would want fame. I do wanna be rich though. And that's logical, you can buy and afford a lot more when you're rich, which contributes to your happiness.
Jeremiah Smith 4 days ago
Lots of these comments are about money. Seems some people are not getting the message.
Chris Thomas 4 days ago
What is best in life? To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women.
skrrt skrrt 4 days ago
Great im going to fcking die really quickly then
Egg Puppy 4 days ago
Me as a forever aloneer: *Call it bull and leaves denying the entire world.* *not sad at all*
maruthesh s 4 days ago
Hi
Alex Sage 4 days ago
After this video I became a good person. I used to abominate everyone before this.
Dzikri Qalam 4 days ago
Who wanna make friends
Carolina Olalde 5 days ago
Que estudio tan más cierto. Uno se la lleva pensando en tantas cosas que a veces deja de lado lo que verdaderamente es más importante en la vida. Hay que hacer reflexión y enfocarnos en la unión familiar y circulo social.
Liberamente 5 days ago
What do you do when most of your relationships are just kind of negative? Maybe the problem is me, but everyone else seems too toxic, constantly complaining and just being negative. It seems very few people are truly wishing someone the best, or interested in deep conversations, which is why I crave. What do you I do?
DrB1900 5 days ago
He's describing a correlation, but assuming it's a causal one. Maybe it just goes the other way: happy healthy people are better able to make close relationships.
Ali 5 days ago
Oh! my dear Jillian Smith you are just going very emotional, I just want you to understand that if will keep on thinking about the certain things that these are possible and these are not, you are just limiting your activities and weakening your brain capability. I am not saying that you should need to think and try about impossible things. I mean you need to always think about things which are possible but not make categorises of the impossible things, just think and try the possible and right thing in your life and be positive.
Ali 5 days ago
I think, for a certain person the life becomes happy and healthy when he/she thinks about to give the benefit for whole society, it means that if he or she wants to acquire a healthy and happy life than they should need to create positiveness in themselves, and sorry to say but it is a fact that the most of the people were unhappy from their life due their negative thinking.
Kenneth Welch 5 days ago
Instead of showing the useless family portraits on the projector, put the study results? Maybe a chart or diagram instead of more or better which no serious intellectual relies on
Ian H. 6 days ago
Not having traditional milestones or gifts like graduation, marriage, children, grandchildren or good jobs made me unhappy. Being told I wasn’t a role model for my nieces and nephews sealed the deal.
Sydney Austin 6 days ago
Interesting.But are there men of color in this study?
Grass55the 6 days ago
Could it be the opposite? Like people as a group accept men who are happy, healthy and with high social status over those who are sad and unhealthy. Just saying maybe good relationship is the reason, not the cause.
Cesar Pena 6 days ago
Try being gay on grndr and slightly overweight. Ostracized af
Jillian Smith 7 days ago
So if family feuds are hard on the ones holding the grudges, how is it on those against whom the grudges are felt?  And frankly, sometimes you have to get away from toxic family members.then what?  And how can you guarantee you meet and keep a good partner for you?  Maybe those men who did so well were simply the lucky ones?  The ones who met the right person/people, the ones less damaged by early childhood traumas, the ones more open to others because for them it had been rewarding.  This is descriptive, not prescriptive.  We all keep good relationships if we can, don't we?  We all accept good ones if we can find them, right?
_Tarberry23 SA 7 days ago
👍
Salomon Ghitis 7 days ago
Honestly, that is not enough data to draw conclusions from. You are suppossed to draw conclusions from multiple studies, not one. Not to mention that this was done exclusively on American Males. So even if you are correct, this may only apply to that group. Not saying this guy is wrong, but that is not how science is supposed to work.
Meitti 7 days ago
6:20, welp, I'm fucked.
veti 7 days ago
i'm so fucked.
Udyr4lyf 7 days ago
Communication is the most important Thing. I hear more and more old/ish People praise communication.
Richard Stiles 7 days ago
I had to click it because in the related videos list it said: What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest stud. 🐴 🤔 🐎 😎 Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! I'd say the longest stud does have a good life. Except when he tries to zip his pants, or gets it caught in the door. Or he marries Lorena Bobbitt. 😲
HOUR KOURDA 7 days ago
The best solution to be happy in this life is :return and constantly remember his/her God who created us and who we will return. The God who created the sky,earth,all things on the earth,planet and who had planned everything for us
Tzipporah V 7 days ago
Yeah, I'm screwed.
Nolan Park 8 days ago
2x speed
BubyM B 8 days ago
If you say money isnt the key to happiness, put yourself 10thousand in debt sturggling to find a job under immense pressure then tell me that again. Yes money will not make you very happy but it’s a factor to it
TVgina Gina 8 days ago
You can have a good life and a good relationship with yourself, and not with others. People seem to forget that we are born alone and will exit alone. So developing a relationship with self is the most important key to happiness.
Fiona Russell 8 days ago
crazy that women couldn't have been followed until it was about time
Young Tang 8 days ago
Simple: a good life is a life without conflicts or quarrels. Regardless of bad or good life one has, it’s all just the memory. And, when you die, that bit of memory becomes the Higgs Boson and disappears in 1/10000000 second.
Epic Fangirl 8 days ago
Why did they study only men? It would be a more fair experiment if they studied men and women equally.
coop6music9lover 9 days ago
Great study, but MEN MEN MEN! Understandably, at the time gender equality was still at the bottom of priorities, but surely you could have found at least a few women to interview?? Shame.
Zadda Chandrashekar Rao 9 days ago
Romans. 15: 13 & Philippians. 4: 4-9; BELIEVE IN THE LORD AND SAVIOUR JESUS CHRIST & KEEP BY ABODE IN HIS COMMANDMENTS THN D HUMAN RACE WILL KNOW D ONLY TRUE LIFE EVER DESIGNED IN ZAO CONCEPT OF LIFE DESIGNED IN CHURCH-AGE. .FOR FURTHER INFORMATION SEARCH IN YOUTUBE: PRADEEP KUMAR ZADDA. ZRBM & ZRBM-CZAR
Carlos Gabriel Hasbun Comandari 9 days ago
Confronted with a mass of stupid, untalented, filthy, insecure, selfish, confused, easily persuaded, half-baked humans, the smart person has no choice but isolation and loneliness.
tadaaa 9 days ago
are there ways to be happy when i have no true friends? i was once very outgoing and now i just distance myself from people. whenever i go out with people im jus tat extra one who didnt matter.i thought i had a few friends but slowly i find that nobody actually cares.is it possible to be happy alone?
clavo 9 days ago
I graduated from law school and had a terrible lawsuit against a doctor thrust upon me. Other negligent lawyers had let the case go until the Medical victim was about to commit suicide. The Catholic church runs the hospitals here. It became unhealthy for me to be a Catholic. The jeering looks and the jealousy and meanness of fellow parishioners and priests was toxic.
Amy Han 9 days ago
Wonderful study, Beautiful speech!
Weareallbeingwatched 9 days ago
Why are we building such vicious and antisocial industrial societies?
ХОРОШО 10 days ago
I'm lone and I'm very happy. Actually that people constantly complayining about everything is one of the reason I don't like social interactions.
LoOoL 1 day ago
not entirely true, it depends on who you are social with. Some friends can actually be negative to your health. If you are around those who are extremely negative and competitive they will force negative energies on to you. I was a lot happier after cutting those out of my life. There are also many people who did things or spend money in away because their friends did or to fit in, their friends are not the source of their happiness but rather the source of their unhappiness. It is always about what I WANT WANT WANT and what I have. Desire is limitless , if you reach one goal next one will be set instantaneously. When they look at ig they only see what I don't have. I had to cut few friends after my mom passed because their view in life are extremely negative and I need to be positive to recover from my own loss. I actually found inner peace and true happiness selecting which friends to have around me. I only associate my self with positive individual not negative, they really do drain and suck the energies out of you. I am 26, married if you are curious. My husband is the same and he is 31. I actually prefer alone time to read, draw or play games even than to hang out with friends sometimes. Alone time is also needed and I perfer my husband. My husband was my best friend for few years , we met playing games and now happily married for 3 years already.
Liberamente 5 days ago
How old are you? I'm 21 and have the same mentally and yet I think that I might regret it later. Cutting off contact with all of your social circle won't last for long. We're social animals after all, it's how evolution made us. Studies show that it's unhealthy to be alone for long periods of time.
Haleem AH 10 days ago
this was good
Buck Bowen 10 days ago
Lots of people crying in the comments. Please call 1-800-Get-Ahug.
Henk Spierings 10 days ago
Don’t usually like Ted talks, but this one, after the half way mark actually made sense, and gave information that was valuable.
le0shadow 11 days ago
What a load of bullshit. What if you always wanted to build good relationships but people just didn't care or never felt the same about you, because they have better options? whether it's because you aren't rich, famous or physically attractive, or simply you're more introvert/shy, socially awkward and find more difficult to have social interactions, so you're naturally more inclined to be unhappier? Nowadays, with so many options, people can afford to be pickier in regards to people they wanna interect with and build a relationship. Therefore that's why we seek for money, fame and personal development, these things will make you more prone to attract good relationships. Completely flawed study.
AdamsCzech 11 days ago
well, i'll die soon.still better than live long, miserable and lonely
Ivan Thomson 11 days ago
Why is this presentation like an infomercial?
K Y S 10 days ago
YOU CAN SAVE 50% ON GEICO CAR INSURANCE
Dhanushka Kumarage 11 days ago
thanks it worked
berhane gebriel 11 days ago
What percentage of the so-called minorities inThe Harvardian research you manage since admission not only to study but even to see the campus was full of scare eventhough now the school is begging for minorities to study????
Karzan Khoshnaw 11 days ago
guy: money can't buy happiness rich guy: that's a lie we tell poor people to keep them from rioting.
G Rad 12 days ago
Eisenstein said, strive for the most simplistic life you can.
Cheryl R. Leigh 12 days ago
So.at what point are we going to include women in this study? This was very moving; would highly recommend it be shared and seriously considered. “There isn't time, so brief is life, for bickerings, apologies, heart-burnings, callings to account. There is only time for loving, and but an instant, so to speak, for that. The good life, is built with good relationships” -Mark Twain
K Y S 10 days ago
Feminism is the worst thing in the world man.
Steve Igi 12 days ago
So i need to become an extrovertet now.
getsharath 12 days ago
Surprise, surprise! Humans, social animals, are unhappy when they lack human connections and interactions.
Mell Stardust 12 days ago
boring.
TreesOnTheBeach 12 days ago
This makes me sad. My mother always said you was a loner and that's bad for you! Now I'm 48, still a loner, and it's true.
Alan Wafer 13 days ago
Does anyone know which mark twain's book he is quoted?
Jerry Perry 13 days ago
Good relations make you happy but you don't need them. Being alone on the journey through life is interesting too. One can have a relationship with the universe. The most important is to find peace within yourself.
Commenter Five 13 days ago
Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is. Many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nuture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Within a wholesome discipline, be gentile with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, there is still beauty in the world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy. Disiderata. First seen by me on a hooch wall in I Corp, Vietnam, 1969.
Mehrzaad Mir 13 days ago
who was the POTUS he was talking about?
Search4Truth 13 days ago
When ever I hear what if propositions, I know somebody is about to try and sell me something. The meaning of life. Humanists were asking that question when I was a child, they are still asking it now that I am old. Each time claiming to have the answer. Each time the answer being different. I for one, am not interested in my life being part of an experiment. I've been given 1 life in the world in which to get it right. Before anyone can get anything about life right, they must get the origins of life right. If one's starting point is that their origin is from nothing, by nothing, for nothing and to nothing, it is likely that they will get nothing right in life. If however, one's starting point is that they are created beings, living in created world, then they now have a self-evident truth on which to build. The challenge then is to discover who this Creator is and what He requires of His creation. The Bible claims to be a testament from our Creator. His command to His creation being that we love God, obey His Commandments and love our neighbor as ourselves. That same testament from our Creator says that love is sacrifice. Not desire, certainly not lust, nor a warm fuzzy feeling. We sacrifice selflessly for what we love. The Bible also states that our Creator will teach all who come to Him in humility and contrition. That the very Spirit of God will indwell us and lead us into all truth, if we make ourselves a suitable dwelling place for it. The Created, seeking answers about itself, without a Creator is futile and it is folly. Mankind putting himself in the place of God is the source of every evil in the world since the beginning of time. But don't believe me. You must discover these truths for yourself. I pray that I may at least have pointed someone along the right path.
xy47402 13 days ago
Hallelujah!
Alain Dedoh 13 days ago
Great! Speechless.
Bill Swingle 13 days ago
The secret is having a purpose. 1, Get a purpose. 2, Choose a good one. Hint there are many to pick from but only ONE a good one. Choose wisely.
Catherine Decuyper 14 days ago
Happiness is a journey, not a final destination
Mrgn Ubas 14 days ago
The speech was so really wonderful, wherein the speaker has a good quality in delivering the speech to the audience.It expresses the speech with a good sounds. The gestures is really captivating that makes the listeners understand it clearly. Principlesofcommunication
Michael Mai 14 days ago
So what happen to the lonely people by choice? They die early? I rather be lonely than be social with toxic people or in a toxic relationship. If that ends me early so be it.
IHAB CHENINE 14 days ago
صلة الرحم تطيل العمر
JOSE S 14 days ago
Wow
Smita B 15 days ago
I'll study from very young 3-12 years.children are often born with a vision.they lose it while in school.
Jack 15 days ago
Happiness should not be the goal of one's life, if so we'd all play video games and do drugs, to escape harsh reality and be happy. Happiness is just a chemical in your brain, and its just a temporary emotion that will come and ago. Life should be lived with intensity. A balanced life should have both happy and sad parts, that way we can be well rounded and the best we can be.
Boyd W 15 days ago
Money isn’t the greatest thing,,, it’s health and strong enriching relationships. All of you that have the above are doing better than if you had a room full of gold. I don’t have much contact with my family and they can be toxic. I unknowingly got Lyme disease in my teens and I could never get very far in life. My workaholic family told me to stop faking it until my Lyme diagnosis in 2013. At almost every Christmas dinner from the early 90’s to 2006 at least one of three of my brothers would chew me out,,, right as we were eating. Nobody else defended me,, nobody said anything. I really should have walked out several times. As I deal with Lyme disease the only times they have helped was when I was really sick. Lyme was on its way to killing me in 2015. I fell in love with a young woman at my job in 2006. She was too young and I put off persuing her until she was 29 and out of a relationship. Things I thought were going in the right direction until 2 days after my 50th birthday she said I’ve been dating another guy for several months. Three weeks later she stopped talking to me. I’ve had just a lot of bad luck all my life. I’m 51 now and I’m nearly alone in my battle with Lyme disease. If I don’t find a good wife to marry I doubt I’ll make it past age 60 because the world and many of my hopes and dreams have passed me by as I’ve carried this nasty disease for 35 years.
caramelbilquees 15 days ago
I had a lot of friends when I was younger and to be honest a lot of them do use you and only come to you when they have agendas. I had male friends for years who would out of the blue try it on with me and when I didn't want to be their girlfriend disappear
Tanya Onysko 15 days ago
Having friends is IMPORTANT.
Kuntal Sarma 16 days ago
MGTOW, MAGA..Modern society sucks.
Jason Statham 16 days ago
Social connections - that's basically what he said.
Gajendra Rathod 17 days ago
Human evolution is driven by corporation (relations) and not by competition - Darwin
kunika telharker 17 days ago
awesome
WTH! 17 days ago
can u just sta in thailand permanent?
Aron Highgrove 17 days ago
Who cares about generations or millennials. I wish people would stop categorizing people this way, it rarely says much about individuals, however it causes biased thinking. Same with age etc. Say what you are convinced of, the people who match will understand. No need to judge or categorize or suggest people have certain features, wishes etc. All this putting people into group does, is make people behave more like what they are expected to behave.
Felipe Reigosa Teixeira 17 days ago
I don't buy it, or at least I don't think it applies to everyone. I'm pretty much a hermit (a secular one) and pretty happy. It was when I was forced to be around people, when I was in school and so on that I was miserable.
Naieem Ali 17 days ago
Another proof that the Prophet Muhammad(peace be upon him) was divinely inspired by the One True God. This was the Prophet's advice clear as day. I knew a Christian woman who was demon possessed for many years and by simply reading some short chapters of the Quran in English she completely destroyed the demons.Shocking but true!!!
Paola Veronica 18 days ago
Love it
a64750 12 days ago
Health, eat less, stop Tobacco, Alcohol, meat, cheese, dairy, egg, oil. ask Dr. McDougall & Dr. Ellsworth Wareham